Thursday, November 3, 2011


I gots a jobs peeps. YAY! And it's a steady one at that. Can you believe it? I actually go to an office every day. So bizarreo. How does America do this?
I am officially the writer/host of The Huffington Post and AOL's "The Celebrity Daily". It has been about a month now and I am finally in the groove. I often write offensive scripts and have to be toned down, cuz I'm a jerk. But I LOVE every second of it.
I wake up nice and early (not today- I was late..shhhhh) and get to work.  I am my very own Glam Squad so I spend way too much time getting my face painted and hair did. Then I get my story from the NY offices and get to writing.  As soon as my "masterpiece" of nonsense is done I send it back to NY to get their feedback. Sometimes I am tame in my scribing, sometimes not so tame (like today's piece).

It's approved and my producer/editor Raj and I head to the studio to shoot this shiznit and the magic happens. Unless its Monday. I am far from magical on Mondays.
I often tell Raj that my entire performance from the writing to the hosting is all dependant on how well my eyelashes go on. Kind of a rule of thumb for life actually. If the lashes go on seamlessly it will be a great day. If not, I'm F-ed. I will most certainly imbibe my future children with that food for thought.
(Did I use 'imbibe' correctly? Kind of an awesome word.)
I have found that is my best friend these days. Never thought I would say that out loud but I just did. Actually I didn't, I wrote it. Okay, just said it out loud so now it's official.
I also like to use words such as "deets". As in " we will get you all the deets." Yeah its gross but I kind of do it ironically. Kinda.
I also like the expression, "cray cray".
I really have NO idea why/how they keep me employed. I guess I am good on camera but I am pretty silly. I feel as though celebrity is insane; so why can't I be insane when celebrating the insanity of it all?

That's me! Conducting the "Two and a Half Men Orchestra".  Those boyz get us the most views. Now if only I could say the name Ashton Kutcher without my teeth getting in the way.

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