Shooting in LA!

Just thought I would show y'all a little bit of my work.
As a stylist/host I often get asked to speak on camera about fashion and trends. This time I was in full support of Cynthia Rowley's briliant new Retail Truck concept.
Cynthia Rowley has a truck that travels around the country popping up at boutiques, charity events, shopping centers, and even in people's driveways if requested! The entire 2010 Fall line is being sold out of the back of this super chic, sassy store on wheels. It even has a dressing room, great music and even better lighting! (which as we all know if crucial)
I was in LOVE with so many pieces in the collection....from clutch bags to cocktail dresses with cobalt blue feathers lining the hem and obsessed with the colorful fringe mania!!!!

I was invited to an event being held by Cynthia Rowley in conjunction with Project Angel Food; an amazing organization that feeds 10,000 men, women and children stricken with HIV, AIDS, cancer and other life threatening diseases every week. 10,000 meals a week!!!! These selfless volunteers nourish the hearts and souls of people who are in need of a noutritious meal made with love and have been doing so for over 20 years.
I met so many lovely people, noshed on cupcakes and made small talk. ABC News interviewed me as well as E! News. I will let everyone know when the E! piece will air.

Backyard Shenanigans!!!!

I live in a small complex  made up of 5 apartments in Los Angeles. Well, the valley. Yes, I am a valley girl and damn proud of it.  Young working actors, makeup artists, a filmmaker, a social worker and I have no idea what the nice dude who lives below me does....but he is quiet and that's all I really care about. He probably would not say the same for me. Take that as you will. Winky emoticon.
At 6 am bright and early tons of little birds come flocking to my window into this tree right by my bedside. So do these very very aggressive and noisy squirrels. Not because I am Snow White....because some mystery bandito keeps FEEDING them.
I swept up the birdseed and peanuts a few times already, we have asked him very politely to stop feeding the animals because rats, raccoons and possums also live back there, along with our vehicles that we have to get into and out of often.  The last thing I need is a racoon bite on my leg with no health insurance.
Mr. Mystery Bandito Animal Feeder IGNORED us.  Mind you, he lives in the adjacent building and responded a such, "the people in my building didn't like the birds pooping on their cars so I figured you guys wouldn't mind if I fed them here."
That was around the time he was dumping loaves of Italian bread in our yard and on the garage roof.
MISTER...Oldness is not an excuse for being a jerk!!!
So I once again set off to ask him NICELY not to do this. I wrote a sign and put it against the feeding grounds. 

Today- there was about 5 lbs of bird seed and enough peanuts to feed a pack of Asian elephants out there. Right under my sign.
THIS IS WAR MR. MYSTERY BANDITO ANIMAL FEEDER.
(He's not so mysterious by the way...hes about 83 years old, basically bald and kinda frail.)
The noise is one thing...especially so early but the real problemo is that when I moved in there was some large dead animal in my heating duct that was decomposing. The exterminators could not get it out. YEAH- so I had to live with it til it decomposed fully.  The smell was delicious, especially when I brought home my date (now my boyfriend) for the first time.  Try explaining that and not feeling like a weirdo.
Anyway...I will keep y'all posted on my war with the neighbor.

I need a job. Bad.

vintage Karla host footage.

Giggle. giggle.

Stop Peer Pressuring Me!!!

IM not on facebook. It frustrates most, if not all of my friends to no end. I am getting peer pressure from everyone to join. Even my Mother and Father have FB accounts!
I'm not even sure why my aversion to it is so strong, I just don't want to be a memberr. After the disaster my myspace account created I just have no desire.  Although aafter a few glasses of wine I have been known to waver and be on the brink of signing up.
There was all sorts of drama with my space but most of all.....Yes, I was lame. I had a bikini picture in one of my albums on myspace. A few years ....YES years later after I totally came to my senses and canceled my account I went on a few dates with a guy who was initially a friend. Well, 'said guy' had that very bikini photo SAVED on his desktop and showed it to me.  The social networking world (and blogs) can permanently brand anything and everything you decide to be public info into the universe FOREVER.
Am I alone in thinking that this concept is insane?
Hear that next Miss USA? FOREVER!!!!! You think its cute when you are 20 to upload the photo of you doing saki bombs and body shots off of that sweaty dude at Senor Frogs? NOT so cute when a  few years later.
Crap- I should probably erase any and all photos I put on this blog before its under my google images.
Like the recent photo of a brunette woman labeled "Karla Cavalli" giving some naked, ripped dude a hummer on her knees. I am sure the possible employers interested in me as the host of their new family show loved that one.
Anyway, Jersey Shore is on tonight. I'm busting at the seams. I bet they have lots of FB friends.

I will intently listen to every one of you say  "I told you so" when I decide to admit defeat and join the cult.



photo courtesy of www.marriedtothesea.com

Me.

Off On A Quest!

OK- I have discovered I cannot remember how to be a girlfriend anymore.


In fact, I think I am kind of bad at it. Sort of how I was horrendous at calculus.

Two years of being single really messes a gal up.

I used to be a terrific girlfriend. Many bad dates and a plethora of lame pick-up lines and I am jaded and cranky.

3 Months in with a fantastic man- will I mess it all up? Geez, I hope not. Its funny though, the grass is always greener I think.

The entire two years I yearned for a hairy man to cuddle up to and someone to spoon me at night, now I got one and he elbows me in the head every single night while he sleeps. Accidentally of course- or maybe not.

Take the good with the bad?

He is terrific...opens every single door, cooks chicken picatta, compliments me constantly, even washes the dishes....without me asking!

He is my prince charming. Yet- I am a picky brat. DO NOT mess this up lady. You have been waiting for a man like this one forever.

When are women truly happy? I think I may be a bit like a man in this sense. Insatiable sometimes.

Does being single for too long really destroy your ability to be a good partner?

I sit here and write this and feel like I sound like Carrie. God forbid I read it out loud to myself- wearing some overlystyled outfit. Scary.

(Although I am satc fanatic- from day 1 mind you....not some newbie)

Well, I am off on a quest to re-learn to be a good girlfriend again. Any suggestions would be fantastic my friends.

Teach me how not to care if he leaves the bathroom rug in the wrong place, or if he forgets to turn the lights off.

Remind me to be grateful for how handy he is with a hammer and nail; how he fixes every minuscule detail that has been waiting for some testosterone to turn a wrench to it and how he has such an amazing sense of exactly where I need to be touched.

Grateful, grateful, grateful...be grateful because you have been busting as the seams for some holey boxers to fold again.

Went to bed hungry.


Trying to shed the extra 8-12 lbs or so I've gained in the last 3 months. Ya

see- I've fallen in love which means I'm becoming a fatso. Yeah- no wonder

newlyweds r so happy. They don't give a rats arse what they're eating and just

pound food like they'll never see their spouse ever again if they don't.

I've been totally blind to my nonexcercising- non light beer drinking- bacon

blue cheese and disco fry eating ways for the past 3 months. Geez Karla- get it

together. Even though you have decent metabolism cuz you've been an athlete your whole

life you canNOT eat like a 200lb man. You will get a muffin topper.

Anyway- its go time now. Ipod is charged and I'm ready to rumble. Hike, sweat,

and starve myself. All hail Los Angeles.

My Talented Friends at Wheelhouse

Wheelhouse Creative

My friends are genius.
I attended the screening of "All I EverWanted- The Airborne Toxic Event Live from Disney Concert Hall..blah blah blah. Long Title" last night.
My great friend DJ-JD Jon Danovic directed it and my wonderful friend, the infamous Brian Girard produced it.  They leave for London next week for the European screening. I have always been impressed by their work, always. I am officially floored now. These two gentleman are so dedicated to making beautiful schtuff on screen that of which I have had the pleasure of being a part of many, many times. This time they out-did themselves. I am so proud to know them.
Best of luck my friends.  You make beautiful music together. xoxoxoxo

Bon Bons

This is not Bob.

As a stylist I have a side gig where I do something called "Closet Consults" at peoples homes. I live in Los Angeles so many of my clients are unknown actors/actresses that are trying to brand themselves or hone their look. I help them find any look....basically make them more current. I also make them throw out all the terrible, terrible things that exist in their closet they thought were cool five years ago in Middleofnowheresville.
I never have any idea of what I am in for when I step through the door. Sometimes its a fairly good situation when I pass through the messy bedroom to the closet. Sometimes its a total disaster and I have no idea how the hell I can even help this person. Thankfully....my expertise has helped me to take the worst of the worst and make it work- as Mr Gunn would say.

So recently I visited this lovely young client for the first time, let's call her Sarah. Sarah needed help with her hair, makeup and clothing.

She was a plain jane of sorts with a very simple but very pretty face and an outstanding body hiding under her dowdy corduroy skirt.

At first we chatted on her couch about makeup..and I recommended some good colors and products for her that she went and purchased immediately after our session and thankfully loved. Then about her hair, which needed a serious Va Va Voom bombshell boost. It was boring brown and shoulder length. It made zero statement. Just there, so boring. I suggested she but it a bit shorter and layer it up and go darker with the color. again, she did and its amazing.

The important part comes next....the closet visit. For about two hours we dragged every item worthy of daylight out of her closet as her cat Bob laid in my path. He hated every second. I put together outfits on the floor including jewelry and shoes and made Sarah take photos so she could replicate them when her personal stylist was not at home with her as she gets ready.

Now my challenge with Sarah: she said a few people told her she needed to lose weight. Her tummy needed to be trimmed. A doctor and an acting teacher told her to get rid of her pooch so to speak. The problem: almost everything in her closet was tight fitting. By the way, this supposed "pooch" wasn't bad at all but she was  pretty self conscious about it.
I toiled and trudged through every item to try and make stuff work to hide her belly.....but quickly realized that wasn't my mission. I wasn't there to make her feel like she needed to HIDE her flaws. I was there to empower her. I was called upon by the style gods to make her flaunt her better assets, not enable her insecurities. I decided to focus on her ammmmmazing supermodel legs and her 22" waist. By the end of the consult she had 15 outfits focusing on her gams and her Grace Kelly midsection ready to roam the streets of La La Land.

Teaching this pretty Plain Jane...who isn't so plain any longer....I learned a great lesson myself. My expertise is never to make anyone feel bad...although its not in my nature so I don't think I ever have done so- at least not on purpose, my mission is and will always be to make women feel better about themselves in their clothes.
Sure, I will poke fun of you if you still have a pair of wedge heeled sneakers in your closet but if that's the case you totally deserve it. But, Sarah was made to feel bad about herself and instead of retreating she went above and beyond to better herself. She hired a stylist, she changed her hair completely, she has been working out like crazy. She took the criticism with true grace and tried to better herself all around. I am thankful that my session with Sarah taught me something about my own work. I am also thankful I was able to help her realize how to use her best assets.

Okay Miss Longwinded......Point of the story is.....when someone says something negative about your body .....tell them to F- Off and hire a stylist.

And with that I am signing off....and eating an ice cream Bon Bon from Trader Joe's.

OKAY::: ADDENDUM here. One of my best friends brought to my attention how the wedge sneaker is HUGE for fall. (which I am aware of) The hiking boot with a stilleto is also apprently being sold again. NEITHER of which I support anyone wearing. I don't really care how many runways they are on for NY Fashion Week.  I personally hate them. 1999-JLo maybe. But....to each his own.

Bookmarks! Yay!

Happy Birthday Momma! Buon Cumpleanno Mammasita!

So its my mothers birthday this week. She could be the most difficult woman to buy for....ever. She is impossible.

Vicki will NOT hesitate to tell you she does not like a gift. Promptly telling you to in her snotty upper crust accent "Return it and save your money".

She is British- enough said.

You can imagine my excitement when I found the perfect Bday gift for her last weekend at the Santa Monica Flea Market!!!

My mother reads a lot of books- like real books with pages in 'em, not a computer version. (especially when she is at work and supposed to be ..ummmm uhhh working)

These are bookmarks created by the talented jewelry and bookmark designer Miss Kelly King of K Bird Designs.

Those are buttons! Vintage buttons! How cool is that? They are made of elastic and wrap around the cover and hold your page. Perfect for reading on a beach or in a windstorm!
They are gorgeous and terrific little gifts for your favorite readers.

Go to www.Kbirddesigns.com or www.etsy.com and find Kbird Designs store to get your Mommas some bookmarks too!

Or Grandmas....or Aunties....or little biddie kiddies. She does children's bookmarks also. I'm so gunna read a big fat novel now,

The Count Of Monte Christo....just so I can use a bookmark.

YOU have to watch this new show I am obsessed with: "RU Paul's Drag U".
I watched one episode and I am hooked. Its genius. Not only because they dress up real women and make them look like fabulous drag queens. Feather boas, wigs, bad gowns, lip syncing, nose shading and all...
Also because Ru Paul has his own language. He says things to his "students" like:
"ConDRAGulations" and "Let's see how you scored on your DRAGxamination?" or my personal favorito:
Ru refers to them as the "DRAGuating class of 2010".
I am not sure why I find this Ru drag-language so funny. I think its kind of why I am also still (as an adult) so
obsessed with America's Funniest Videos.
I sort of want to make up so many words with DRAG in it but all of mine sound stupid.
WHY can't I be that creative? and funny? and witty? This is DRAGdiculous!
HA

PS: These are the camp counselors.

This Is Why I Have Rules!!!!

I have a few rules when it comes to dating/seeing men/boyfriends......for example.

NO BBM with a boy I'm involved with. It always creates drama. On both ends.

every time I've folded and said "okay, we can be on bbm it smacks me back in the arse". 

NO BBM.

They get mad cuz I receive but don't respond...I get mad cuz they bbm me constantly...and on and on....

Another example: NO exercising with boys. I have a friend, let's call her Melanie. She always hikes with guys.

She LOVES hike dates. Me- NOT so much.

Why? cuz ur sweaty, and in ugly workout clothes, and smelly, have swamp crotch and do not look cute. It also doesn't help that I huff and puff and wheeze like a 90 year old biddy who smokes two packs a day.  

(disclaimer: melanie always looks cute on a hike- no bra cuz her nice fake tits stand up straight and perky. a teensy bit of mascara, hair down, and some just see through enough and loose enough shirt that you can tell how "please eat a burger" skinny she is. Yes, I'm jealous)

ONward......So I decide to hike this morning with me new beau.(no I'm not Scottish but sometimes I make a typo like this one and kinda like it, so leave it) 

We are a little over 3 months in...big mistake. Too soon basically.

You see, I get overheated very very easily. It was probably about 89 degrees and the blazing CA sun was beating down right on my head.

Now, there is no..cute hairdo, flushed pink cheeks or pheromones pumping at this point.

Just tomato face, underboob sweat and hairy pasty white legs coming out from under my old faded jazz pants that I have to fold above my thighs I'm so hot.

When I say tomato face I mean like...it looks like someone just smacked me across every inch of my mug with a 2x4 about 150 times.

Or maybe I walked in the Sahara desert for 5 days straight with baby oil on my face.

Or maybe, my friends 3 year old daughter asked me to play circus and she painted my face with dancing poodle blood.

Okay- that was dark.

Moving on......I was hot and bothered and struggling and we had not even gotten to the difficult part yet- the stairs.

Shit.

"Okay Karla...don't embarrass yourself. You are not THAT out of shape. Pretend your fine. Its almost over. Keep pushing."

I wasn't fine.

I needed to stop over and over again in shady parts of the trail. At this point I am mortified and may just throw up the sunny side up eggs he made for me for breakfast. Ketchup and all.

Gross.

So we are up the stairs at this point, albeit slowly. I tried my best to push through and act like I can easily handle all this but I am pretty sure it was written all over my face that is throbbing and scarlett like a skinned cat.

ok Gross again. Sorry.

 Let me inform you that this new beau....is 7 years my junior. 

Clearly in shape and having an easy time of what seems like MT. Kilimanjaro to me. 

Crap Karla!- you broke another rule.....no dating younger men. I was waiting for it to bite me in my over sexed ass. Our libidos are in perfect harmony. Clearly our stamina for work outs was not. 

How unsexy, how unattractive for me not to be able to hang on a simple hike. 

THIS IS WHY I DON'T HIKE WITH BOYS!!!!

I am NOT that out of shape, I just smoked like a chimney and cannot deal with the blazing hot meteor that was sending me into overload like Drew in Firestarter. But an old lady version.

Anyway....We got to the water fountain, I doused myself. Putting mildly cold water on my wrists like my father to cool myself down. Then gulped so much water that I was pretty sure the drive down the canyon was going to make me yuke in his BMW. Again, even sexier.

I warned him not to come near the bathroom in case I blew chunks really loudly. I was mortified for him to hear. Too soon, Too soon.

I took a frozen shower. Wet my hair but didn't bother to actually wash it because my arms were like limp spaghetti. How lazy.

I then laid down in my bed naked and again too exhausted to put any clothes on. I included a photo of that for your viewing pleasure.

Face still piercing red like an orangutans ass.

My loving new beau brought me some water and a cold compress for my forehead.

I rested while he showered off his cherubic glistening sweat.

I have NO idea why, maybe because I was naked but he returned to the bedroom and seemed like he wanted to "get busy".

Did he forget about the near pukefest that almost happened? Or about my inability to keep up with him because I'm old and am on the brink of emphesyma. Does Demi have these issues?

I was immobile and pink faced. Not exactly the Pussycat Doll I used to be.

But I needed to redeem myself. Didn't I?

This young stallion adores me. NO matter what.

Well.....20 minutes later I felt a f&%k of a lot better.

Moral of the story- stick by your own rules.

No hiking with boys.

Okay...scratch that. Its not the moral of the story. I always get my morals f-ed up.  Below is a convo regarding this entry between me and my friend Jhari who is way smarter than I. (her name is Shari but I call her Jhari- private joke)

shari: but edit the moral of your story

shari: haahaha

KARLA: hahaha what's the moral?

KARLA: i don't even know

shari: well you basically tell everyone that you shouldn't exercise with boys but at the end of it, you get sex and feel better and he wasn't at all put off by you

KARLA: ya

shari: so i'd say the moral is, breaking rules is sometimes more rewarding

KARLA: ahhhhh

shari: its the opposite

shari: because you end up with something satisfying, why would you NOT want that result?

KARLA: ur smart

shari: gracias

shari: it confused me at 8 am but once i had time to think about it

shari: hahaha

shari: i mean, i'd say its pretty fucking awesome if you are in a panic about how you look, smell, etc. and your guy doesn't think anything of it, he just wants to bone you.

shari: like you were all worried for nothing, he loves you for exactly who/what you are

shari: it's pretty great

KARLA: yup

KARLA: it is

shari: moral of the story should be something more like, if you make rules for yourself, you might miss out on learning something much more impressive about your partner

shari: or somethign

KARLA: god ur genius

KARLA: i cant figure out my own morals. shit

shari: hahahha

How can we avoid the past?

Last night my beau and I went to see Scott Pilgrim Vs, The World....
I must say this movie was terrifically awesome.  Although the fighting got a bit much at the end and just when you thought there was more to come it thankfully came to a peaceful state.  It was creative, inventive, interesting and totally encompassed teenage want that can easily be related to adult relationships.
My beau actually saw the movie for the real message......how can we get over the past when we start a new courtship?

Battle our one true love's exes??? With light sabers and comic book Kung Fu?  Wouldn't it be amazing if it was just that easy?  Instead we have to wait for the demons of the past to come up randomly and haunt our new found blissful state. Usually at the most inopportune moments.

For instance a month and a half in....a lovely breakfast at the local cafe after a night of drinking, dancing, and the horizontal mambo. Pure heaven:  Throw on a hat, ripped jeans a rocker t-shirt, makeup still on from last night and my hair isn't even brushed. Why bother? Love is blind isn't it?
All is well with the world as you exit the car holding hands skipping down the street with your new love until you unfortunately see a familiar scalp from behind sitting at the very cafe you are headed for.  Not even technically an "ex" so to speak but a recent crash and burn of a dating escapade that truly sunk like the Titanic, except much much faster.
Regardless, what to do? I reacted exactly as Ramona Flowers (Scott's love interest upon which the entire movie is based) I had...tried to stay cool. Try to ignore the fact. But like the idiot that I am I made some very shocked, quiet, bizarre noise with my throat when I saw the back of that scalp.
New adorable, wonderful, angelic, sweet, loving beau heard it and naturally asked what was wrong.
DAGNABIT..why didn't my throat just shut up! I could've avoided the awkward moment and conversation that followed altogether.  This person was so inconsequential also! Argh....now, not so much.

How do we avoid the past when it gets thrown in your face so often?  Not once had I run into scalp man as a single woman since the plunge into icy waters. Of course now he's at every location my cherub and I decide to waltz through.  Fate, what are you trying to teach me damnit?

I guess we have to fight the exes and the past with words; sensitive, loving conversations. The likes of which this gal detests.  Instead of ninja stars and light sabers we have to use delicate discussions and specifically chosen vocabulary so as not to insult the other.
Much less violent.
Unless you have had the lovely experience of having a motorcycle helmet flung at your cranium by an ex's ex . Yes, I have.  I almost would rather have to duck protective gear for the rest of my life than have those coarse moments explaining who someone is.

  I always get the "moral of my stories" wrong....so choose it as you will. But seriously....I kinda wanna live in a world where my one true love actually has to fight my 7 evil exes to prove his love for me. (FYI- cherub totally would)
It would really make it so cut and dry. Easy peasy. If you have the drive and ambition to push through that kind of physical pummeling then you really truly want to be with me, forever. As opposed to going MIA 6 months in because some 21 year old caught your eye at the water cooler.  I digress.
Point is.....waging a crusade against all exes in the first few weeks of a relationship would totally avoid a whole lot of drama.

note: spell check insisted I write "exes"- which I thought looked weird.

Shaq VS.>>>>>

Shaq has some weird television show where he challenges other celebrities for money or something. I don't know what it's about...all I know is that tonight's episode that was on in the background while I trolled around the world wide web reading people's funny blogs fending off Dante's Inferno... well tonight was Shaquille O'Neill (sp? who cares?) versus teen sensation Justin Bieber. The highlight of the episode was when...
Justin went on stage in front of a thousand screaming teeny-boppers and the first thing bellowed in his deep puberty stricken voice was
"Who wants to be my Baby?"
And I kinda strangely wanted to be his baby at that moment.
Is that creepy?